Bash.org Digest 1.1

(~bati) how is that thing called
(~bati) where some fat chicks takes a photo of herself where only face is shown
(~bati) or taken from some fucked up angle so she doesn't look ugly?
(p00h) myspace

(kuiper) My mom got me a toilet brush for Christmas.
(sic) lmao
(sic) have you been using it?
(kuiper) Well, yeah, but it hasn't been working too well. In fact, I think I may just go back to using paper.

Far2Paranoid: Knew this guy in HS
Far2Paranoid: Built a box with 2x 350Mhz Pentium2, back in '98
Far2Paranoid: The trick was, filled his bathtub w/ glycerin
Far2Paranoid: Took apart a mini-fridge and used the coils to cool the glycerin to ~40F
Far2Paranoid: Then sunk the box so he could OC the CPUs to 1.3Ghz
Far2Paranoid: Coolest shit I've ever seen.
AlbinoChpmnk: If this was sitting in his tub, how did he shower?
Far2Paranoid: After what I just said, what makes you think he showered?

(Redden) you know what you shouldn't take on planes?
(Sealab) Leslie Nielson?
(Bagel) Box Cutters?
(Dodge) William Shatners?
(Scotty) Gameboys?
(DotTom) Babies?
(The Amazing Rando) Wesley Snipes?
(seander) Flaming torches?
(Gib Yob) Vials of smallpox?
(Kelvin) Zombies?
(Tomuber) Mutha fuckin snakes?

evilada: damn girls are too confusing about what they want from guys
lantern: Well they certainly know what they dont want
lantern: see now i'm tall, but not athletic, i don't have a full head of hair
lantern: so bam three strikes
evilada: girls dont work like baseball
evilada: if they did, everyone would cheer if you stole second base when no one was looking
evilada: and thats the complete opposite of what happens, trust me

(komputes) I'm on a unix based operating system which means i get laid as many times as I have to restart my computer
(marky-b) same, but i run windows

(@Dreki) I just realized something.
(@Dreki) A is the 1st letter of the alphabet and H is the 8th letter, right?
(@Dreki) 9/11=0.8181818181=HAHAHAHA.

(kinzey) i want to go out with a girl
(kinzey) and lay in the field
(kinzey) real romatic like
(kinzey) and just stare at the full moon
(kinzey) and she'll say something along the lines of "the moon's so beautiful tonight"
(kinzey) and i'll just be like
(kinzey) "that's no moon... THAT'S A BATTLESTATION!!!"
(kinzey) and then run to the car and leave her ass there
(Chris) wow

(Deltantor) Why is it so hard to find a man that wants a female that has a small son?
(f0rked_) I prefer a small daughter
(grnp) I prefer a smaller son
(ChrisHansen) I prefer that you both have a seat over there.

(TheVirus) So I had a girlfriend for all of 9 months. She dropped
by one afternoon when I was sick with a pan of brownies and a video
tape with the simpsons on it (my favorite show). so I start eating
the brownies and turn on the tape. midway through it, it cuts to
her sucking off some dude. he nuts in her mouth, she looks at the
camera, and says "you're dumped. enjoy the brownies" - and spits
the mouthful of cum into a bowl of brownie mix.
(alexandr-) you didn't keep eating the brownies did you?
(TheVirus) sure did
(TheVirus) i was hungry

(Marilyn) I have a very large trouser snake in my backyard!!
(RaydenUni) trouser snake?
(Diazo) good for you
(RaydenUni) what's that?
(RaydenUni) a big snake that crawls up your trousers?
-a few seconds pass-
(RaydenUni) wtf? don't look up "trouser snake" on google

(@Aureal) Wow, free web space for only $15.

«RazoR»: Hey, ZP, you there?
«RazoR»: you suck cocks
Zerg_Predator: yeah
Zerg_Predator: hey!
Zerg_Predator: damn laggy modem
Zerg_Predator: I was answering to the quetion
«RazoR»: you suck cocks is not a question
«RazoR»: It's a fact

(Ned) rofl
(Ned) Sud N' Fud
(Ned) When trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story, "I not that kind of girl.", "I don't fuck on the first date.", "I'm catholic.", "Stop asshole.", etc. etc... After hearing all this bullshit, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to fuck that instead
(CB[UN1]) you forgot the usual line
(CB[UN1]) "hey stop im only 12"
(iX|Blue|afk) lol
(iX|Blue|afk) i usually get "woof bark bark"

(helminthes) what girls have to realize is that every other guy is wrong and i am right

(Rann-chan) 0123.
(Rann-chan) Er, sorry. ^^;
(Reddjango) at least we know you can count to 3 ^_^
(Gary) And like a C programmer, too. :)
(Rann-chan) Of course I can. That's the number of guys a girl can take without using her hands, right? n.n

Tetramaster3k: Omg.
Tetramaster3k: My mom was just outside my room, and she saw me chewing on the chords to my headphones
Tetramaster3k: She goes
Tetramaster3k: "If you keep doing that, you'll reach wire and electrocute yourself"
Tetramaster3k: So I stopped
Tetramaster3k: Then she goes
Tetramaster3k: "I didn't tell you to stop"

Esi: people have installed linux on their Xboxes so...
Blayne: When people install Linux on their dishwasher, then I'll give them a nod
Esi: is that a challenge?

(Axe) I
(Axe) do
(Axe) not
(Axe) know
(Axe) where
(Axe) family
(Axe) doctors
(Axe) acquired
(Axe) illegibly
(Axe) perplexing
(Axe) handwriting;
(Axe) nevertheless,
(Axe) extraordinary
(Axe) pharmaceutical
(Axe) intellectuality,
(Axe) counterbalancing
(Axe) indecipherability,
(Axe) transcendentalizes
(Axe) intercommunications'
(Axe) incomprehensibleness.

* ion has joined #sp
(ion) today's my birthday
(deMoN) yo happy bday man ;)
(ion) thanks, my dad brought me a new case home from his work today
(ion) ok, it's not a new case, it's my old one...i didnt like the gray metal frame so i wanted to change the color
(plague) What color?
(ion) gold. i was going to spray paint it, but it would have ended up melting. so my dad said he'd take it to work
(ion) he works at this metal coating place
(ion) just brought it home today. looks awesome
(plague) So you have a gold plated tower?
(ion) no it's not gold...something else...let me go ask
(ion) copper. it's copper
(plague) Copper plated?? Is it running right now?
(ion) no dude...on my other pc..i just finished hooking up the mobo and stuff, i'm about to start it
(ion) stand back
(plague) Before you turn it on...I think you should know something...
* ion has quit IRC (No Route to Host)
(plague) Copper is a conductor of electricity.
(deMoN) think we should have told him?
(zeff) nah, it's funnier this way.
(plague) of course...()
Note: the fuse box in his house was fried. knocked the power out.

(Ariela) I want a man that is like a purse: looks good on your arm, carries your things, and hopefully matches your shoes.
(Nap) I want a woman who's like a good pair of shoes: looks good, provides support, and doesn't recite stupid analogies.

(pHluid-) because everybody leet in linux types with all lower case letters like this and no punctuation
(pHluid-) the shift key is for noobs
(pHluid-) periods are for chicks
(pHluid-) and god knows theres no chicks in #linux

(SanGreal) holy shit I'm stupid
(SanGreal) I just took my laptop plug
(SanGreal) and licked it
(SanGreal) while it was plugged in
(SanGreal) :
(Funky_) ...
(Funky_) so does that mean you lick your plugs when they are not plugged in?
(SanGreal) :
(Funky_) yes or no?
(SanGreal) no comment

( peter) alanis morrisette is a prime example of why horses shouldn't be allowed to sing.

- (JustHalf) #boards != warez?
- (kairo) try #boardz
- (kairo) if it ends in 'z' , its gotta be illegal

(mcsim02) you know...one day the word pron is actually going to replace the word porn for good...and then in the year 2055 some internet geek is gonna think hes really funny by calling it 'porn' instead of 'pron'...and it will be a horrible horrible cycle

(Claws) Disabled people are the greatest.
(Claws) I have a friend who is in a wheel chair and he has the most awesome sense of humour ever.
(Claws) The other day two of my other friends were having an argument about something trivial, one of them turned to him and said "You'll stand up for me won't you"
(Claws) He just looked him straight in the eye and with the straightest face you'll ever see, said "Only if your name's Jesus"

Bash.org Digest 1.0

[Edofnor] #1 pickup line of all time: "Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

[@Dark_un] is there an actual term for banks lending out money?
[@bytraper] loan
[@Dark_un] i was thinking of the process
[@incorrect] scam

[TURBOMEAT] arguing over musical taste is pointless, really
[ScumDog] pretty much
[TURBOMEAT] it's subjective
[mightyflo] not when you have ops. :)

[Llarack] You are what you eat ^_^
[Iskandor] I AM NOT A PUSSY
[Iskandor] ]_]
[Kletian] yeah, you're a dick.

[Cold_Fyre] back. I had to talk to my sister about sumtin
[fReAkEr] is she hot?
[Cold_Fyre] She's 8...
[Cold_Fyre] O.o
[fReAkEr] I didnt ask her age...

dftpnkezln: For all of you reporting a score more than 100 as you iq lol @ you. How can you possibly score more than 100%?
dftpnkezln:I'm very happy with my score of 89.

[AceAway] well later bitches of to the hospital
[SForce] that sounds promising
[AceAway] not really spend half my life going to them all part of being stuck in this damn wheelchair
[SForce] unfortunate
[SForce] makes me want to stand up

[Kevyn] So if black guys like white girls, and white guys like asian girls... what do the asian guys like?
[etoilet] hentai

[spacemank] someone help me think of an eye catching phrase or something about me.
[cky] hm
[cky] your nickname rhymes with 'wank'
[PsykoDave] Spacewank!
[spacemank] gr... not to do with my NICK
[cky] well, you said about you :P
[spacemank] yes, me. not my nick.
[spacemank] I am not my nick.
[spacemank] I am me.
[Greg|wawy] if you re-arrange the letters, you get "spankmace"
[cky] your nick has to do with you
[spacemank] not really.
[spacemank] GRR
[spacemank] USELESS
[Greg|wawy] :D
[cky] which is almost "spank mice"
[cky] you could also rearrange it to say MSPancake!
[spacemank] I hate you.

Tridao: i got 100%
Tridao: :D
Xeero: On what?
Tridao: the iq test
Xeero: ...
Tridao: 100% of what/
Xeero: Did it give you a number?
Xeero: That says
Xeero: 'Your IQ is ___"
Tridao: 100%...:(
Xeero: Okay, your IQ is not high.

[Ranbert] someone shoot me please....
[tele] o \O_ Arrgh!!
[tele] [\==- - - - - - - --- __/
[tele] / \ \

[grendal] what is it with Mexicans that they have to stand in the front yard?
[grendal] like ... frequently
[grendal] like... daily
[aNuBiS-] its cleaner than inside their house

[NW]: The NHL has the Stanley Cup, the MLB has the World Series, and the NFL has the Super Bowl.
[NW] I'm not sure what the NBA has...
**Reno sips vodkety.
[[Drum]]: The Championship.
[Ran[afk]]: The Rape Accusation Trial.

[Blake`] Buffalo wants to draw in the film industry.
[Blake`] What the fuck are they gonna film there?
[`Edwin`] Fargo, part 2?
[Blake`] "The Adventures of Nanook the Eskimo"?
[`Edwin`] Call of the Wild?
[Blake`] "Dude, Where's My Economy?"

milnarmo: damn i'm never gonna get a fishing license
milnarmo: lucky i already have my phishing license
darkwing14: what?
milnarmo: please enter your credit card number and expiration date to continue this conversation

itchy92: Aha! I figured out why all the 1337 hackers in movies use Linux.
theNihil: Um, because it's mysterious and unknown to mainstream movie viewers?
itchy92: No, man. It generates so much output so easily.
itchy92: Need a scrolling console window to make it look like you're doing something? Type any nonsensical word with a verbose switch and BAM! you've got scrolling text for like 3 hours. So it seems like you're engaging in some hardcore NSA decrypting when in fact, you're compiling ksolitaire or something.

Madrigal: I have DSL
Madrigal: Which backwards is "LSD"
Madrigal: But for my sake, and the sake of being backwards, I'd rather get Dial.

[Mootar] what was god thinking when he made my ass sweat?

[[prefix]] hahahah
[[prefix]] I just read the funniest shit
[[prefix]] this guy's sister got her laptop stolen, so her brother broke into it and replaced the dialup phone number for the ISP to his phone #
[[prefix]] when the person dialed it up he had their name on the caller ID went over to their house, took it back, and kicked their ass

[poserman]what is considered a long distance girlfriend?
[poserman]10, 15, 20 hops???

[pork] GAS THE JEWS
[Kristy] thats horrible
[Kosta] See Kristy, you just misspelled "honorable" again

[Ruth] hmmm first thing to do when one gets home is .... check spam for emails

[Shark463] hey, did u see stevie wonders new album?
[Chaz] No
[Shark463] neither has he.

SparTacus (rulimbaww@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #santcuary
*SparTacus is now known as Betty_Guns
wacko Jacko (lbeedy@1C57684.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #santcuary
[wacko_Jacko]ok spartacus just came n here i know it. which one of you is that loser?
[hunney] I am spartacus
[ji_pper]no im spartacus
[Betty_Guns]I am spartacus
[mistr andersn]I’m spartacus
[wacko_Jacko]ur all freaks thats what u r

Safia: your just sittin there watching me?
Sean: No I have creepy music playing too

[ traicovn] I'm stealing wifi at the shearton right now
[ traicovn] until security comes and gets me
[ traicovn] Some older upper 30s drunk woman invited me up to her room.
[ traicovn] But I think the high speed is just about the same up there so I turned her down.

[Blarrrg] Holy shit, best idea for a doormat ever.
[Blarrrg] 10 HOME
[Blarrrg] 20 SWEET
[Blarrrg] 30 GOTO 10

[Crimson_Dynamo] If I were stranded on a desert isle, I think I would make a girl out of coconuts, but she'd probably just want to be friends

[rompiku] I think I am going to wait until the hacker is in my computer, then I will disconnect from the internet and trap him inside

Andrews: 'I have man bitches'
Andrews: 'MANY.'
Andrews: FUCK

[Nate] The Americans spent 5 years and 10 million dollars to develope a pen that would write in space, freezing cold, extreme heat, and in zero gravity.
[Nate] The Russians used a pencil

[[NCA]Spank] I was pretty dumb about computers.
[[NCA]Spank] Then I learned you could get porn on them.
[[NCA]Spank] 3 years later I'm a system administrator.

Declan: I dunno...I love her, but this new years is going to be uber depressing
grencez: her friends are much lamer than both of you combined
Declan: The thought of her getting high at a party where everyone is drunk while I sit at home and code Perl or something is kind of too much to bear
CyanFlux: maybe try coding something in c

[@Headknocker] what happens when 5 emos sit in a square room?
[@Headknocker] one dies because he has no corner to cry in :D

[Mach17] Google: your number one source of not sounding retarded.

[phluid] I won't program in java anymore
[phluid] I'm not Marxist and don't believe in classes.

[pritch] jeez
[pritch] sauron couldve got the one ring on ebay for £4.99
[pritch] oh wait
[pritch] excludes delivery to mordor
[fragglet] one does not simply deliver to mordor