28 noviembre 2008

Bash.org Digest 1.1

(~bati) how is that thing called
(~bati) where some fat chicks takes a photo of herself where only face is shown
(~bati) or taken from some fucked up angle so she doesn't look ugly?
(p00h) myspace

(kuiper) My mom got me a toilet brush for Christmas.
(sic) lmao
(sic) have you been using it?
(kuiper) Well, yeah, but it hasn't been working too well. In fact, I think I may just go back to using paper.

Far2Paranoid: Knew this guy in HS
Far2Paranoid: Built a box with 2x 350Mhz Pentium2, back in '98
Far2Paranoid: The trick was, filled his bathtub w/ glycerin
Far2Paranoid: Took apart a mini-fridge and used the coils to cool the glycerin to ~40F
Far2Paranoid: Then sunk the box so he could OC the CPUs to 1.3Ghz
Far2Paranoid: Coolest shit I've ever seen.
AlbinoChpmnk: If this was sitting in his tub, how did he shower?
Far2Paranoid: After what I just said, what makes you think he showered?

(Redden) you know what you shouldn't take on planes?
(Sealab) Leslie Nielson?
(Bagel) Box Cutters?
(Dodge) William Shatners?
(Scotty) Gameboys?
(DotTom) Babies?
(The Amazing Rando) Wesley Snipes?
(seander) Flaming torches?
(Gib Yob) Vials of smallpox?
(Kelvin) Zombies?
(Tomuber) Mutha fuckin snakes?

evilada: damn girls are too confusing about what they want from guys
lantern: Well they certainly know what they dont want
lantern: see now i'm tall, but not athletic, i don't have a full head of hair
lantern: so bam three strikes
evilada: girls dont work like baseball
evilada: if they did, everyone would cheer if you stole second base when no one was looking
evilada: and thats the complete opposite of what happens, trust me

(komputes) I'm on a unix based operating system which means i get laid as many times as I have to restart my computer
(marky-b) same, but i run windows

(@Dreki) I just realized something.
(@Dreki) A is the 1st letter of the alphabet and H is the 8th letter, right?
(@Dreki) 9/11=0.8181818181=HAHAHAHA.

(kinzey) i want to go out with a girl
(kinzey) and lay in the field
(kinzey) real romatic like
(kinzey) and just stare at the full moon
(kinzey) and she'll say something along the lines of "the moon's so beautiful tonight"
(kinzey) and i'll just be like
(kinzey) "that's no moon... THAT'S A BATTLESTATION!!!"
(kinzey) and then run to the car and leave her ass there
(Chris) wow

(Deltantor) Why is it so hard to find a man that wants a female that has a small son?
(f0rked_) I prefer a small daughter
(grnp) I prefer a smaller son
(ChrisHansen) I prefer that you both have a seat over there.

(TheVirus) So I had a girlfriend for all of 9 months. She dropped
by one afternoon when I was sick with a pan of brownies and a video
tape with the simpsons on it (my favorite show). so I start eating
the brownies and turn on the tape. midway through it, it cuts to
her sucking off some dude. he nuts in her mouth, she looks at the
camera, and says "you're dumped. enjoy the brownies" - and spits
the mouthful of cum into a bowl of brownie mix.
(alexandr-) you didn't keep eating the brownies did you?
(TheVirus) sure did
(TheVirus) i was hungry

(Marilyn) I have a very large trouser snake in my backyard!!
(RaydenUni) trouser snake?
(Diazo) good for you
(RaydenUni) what's that?
(RaydenUni) a big snake that crawls up your trousers?
-a few seconds pass-
(RaydenUni) wtf? don't look up "trouser snake" on google

(@Aureal) Wow, free web space for only $15.

«RazoR»: Hey, ZP, you there?
«RazoR»: you suck cocks
Zerg_Predator: yeah
Zerg_Predator: hey!
Zerg_Predator: damn laggy modem
Zerg_Predator: I was answering to the quetion
«RazoR»: you suck cocks is not a question
«RazoR»: It's a fact

(Ned) rofl
(Ned) Sud N' Fud
(Ned) When trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story, "I not that kind of girl.", "I don't fuck on the first date.", "I'm catholic.", "Stop asshole.", etc. etc... After hearing all this bullshit, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to fuck that instead
(CB[UN1]) you forgot the usual line
(CB[UN1]) "hey stop im only 12"
(iX|Blue|afk) lol
(iX|Blue|afk) i usually get "woof bark bark"

(helminthes) what girls have to realize is that every other guy is wrong and i am right

(Rann-chan) 0123.
(Rann-chan) Er, sorry. ^^;
(Reddjango) at least we know you can count to 3 ^_^
(Gary) And like a C programmer, too. :)
(Rann-chan) Of course I can. That's the number of guys a girl can take without using her hands, right? n.n

Tetramaster3k: Omg.
Tetramaster3k: My mom was just outside my room, and she saw me chewing on the chords to my headphones
Tetramaster3k: She goes
Tetramaster3k: "If you keep doing that, you'll reach wire and electrocute yourself"
Tetramaster3k: So I stopped
Tetramaster3k: Then she goes
Tetramaster3k: "I didn't tell you to stop"

Esi: people have installed linux on their Xboxes so...
Blayne: When people install Linux on their dishwasher, then I'll give them a nod
Esi: is that a challenge?

(Axe) I
(Axe) do
(Axe) not
(Axe) know
(Axe) where
(Axe) family
(Axe) doctors
(Axe) acquired
(Axe) illegibly
(Axe) perplexing
(Axe) handwriting;
(Axe) nevertheless,
(Axe) extraordinary
(Axe) pharmaceutical
(Axe) intellectuality,
(Axe) counterbalancing
(Axe) indecipherability,
(Axe) transcendentalizes
(Axe) intercommunications'
(Axe) incomprehensibleness.

* ion has joined #sp
(ion) today's my birthday
(deMoN) yo happy bday man ;)
(ion) thanks, my dad brought me a new case home from his work today
(ion) ok, it's not a new case, it's my old one...i didnt like the gray metal frame so i wanted to change the color
(plague) What color?
(ion) gold. i was going to spray paint it, but it would have ended up melting. so my dad said he'd take it to work
(ion) he works at this metal coating place
(ion) just brought it home today. looks awesome
(plague) So you have a gold plated tower?
(ion) no it's not gold...something else...let me go ask
(ion) copper. it's copper
(plague) Copper plated?? Is it running right now?
(ion) no dude...on my other pc..i just finished hooking up the mobo and stuff, i'm about to start it
(ion) stand back
(plague) Before you turn it on...I think you should know something...
* ion has quit IRC (No Route to Host)
(plague) Copper is a conductor of electricity.
(deMoN) think we should have told him?
(zeff) nah, it's funnier this way.
(plague) of course...()
Note: the fuse box in his house was fried. knocked the power out.

(Ariela) I want a man that is like a purse: looks good on your arm, carries your things, and hopefully matches your shoes.
(Nap) I want a woman who's like a good pair of shoes: looks good, provides support, and doesn't recite stupid analogies.

(pHluid-) because everybody leet in linux types with all lower case letters like this and no punctuation
(pHluid-) the shift key is for noobs
(pHluid-) periods are for chicks
(pHluid-) and god knows theres no chicks in #linux

(SanGreal) holy shit I'm stupid
(SanGreal) I just took my laptop plug
(SanGreal) and licked it
(SanGreal) while it was plugged in
(SanGreal) :
(Funky_) ...
(Funky_) so does that mean you lick your plugs when they are not plugged in?
(SanGreal) :
(Funky_) yes or no?
(SanGreal) no comment

( peter) alanis morrisette is a prime example of why horses shouldn't be allowed to sing.

- (JustHalf) #boards != warez?
- (kairo) try #boardz
- (kairo) if it ends in 'z' , its gotta be illegal

(mcsim02) you know...one day the word pron is actually going to replace the word porn for good...and then in the year 2055 some internet geek is gonna think hes really funny by calling it 'porn' instead of 'pron'...and it will be a horrible horrible cycle

(Claws) Disabled people are the greatest.
(Claws) I have a friend who is in a wheel chair and he has the most awesome sense of humour ever.
(Claws) The other day two of my other friends were having an argument about something trivial, one of them turned to him and said "You'll stand up for me won't you"
(Claws) He just looked him straight in the eye and with the straightest face you'll ever see, said "Only if your name's Jesus"

25 noviembre 2008

Las Animas del Terror

Mi hermana y yo gritábamos al unísono “el de las películas” justo cuando alguien tocaba el timbre del palacio entre las 10 am y 12 pm.

Es de conocimiento público mi desagrado por las películas de Disney. La mayoría de ellas por lo menos me desagradan al grado de que me pongo a transpirar y a desesperar cuando las veo. Hay una que me gusta sin embargo, que puedo ver y ver y ver, Alicia en el País de las Maravillas. Hay otra que disfruté mucho por el contexto en el que la vi, Robots. Del Libro de la Selva me gusta la voz y las canciones de Baloo (Germán Valdez TinTan). De otra más en particular me fascina una escena: la borrachera en Dumbo. La escena de los elefantes rosas de niño me daba muchísimo miedo, la veía muy seguido en su formato Beta.

Es curioso, que recuerde tan bien mi niñez, el wey que pasaba todos los domingos por LE a vender y cambiar películas en formato Beta y poco después también VHS, le decían “el charly” y bueno no sé por qué me acordé de esto, pero era curioso el sujeto, en lugar de canturrear alguna estupidez tocaba los timbres de las casas y ofrecía sus servicios. Tenía un chalequito negro y una camisa polo, siempre con lentes oscuros y pantalón de mezclilla, de unos 1.70 de estatura, tal vez menos, eso fue por allá de 1990. Bueno a este sujeto mi papá le compró, en un solo casette formato Beta, una colección bastante buena: Dumbo, Alicia en el País de las Maravillas y además unos cuantos episodios navideños de Chip n’ Dale y un episodio de Goofy. Toda esta mágica colección por el módico precio de 50 mil pesos (bastante caro en esa época sobre todo). El pobre charly casi quiebra al llegar el primer videoclub a lomas estrella, un videocentro (que en paz descanse) ahí en dalias, justo en las instalaciones del Dalias gym, dirigido por Memo y atendido por Esmeralda que después serían novios y luego esposos. Al año, las noritas (apodadas por los Rodríguez Betancourt como las gordas), abrirían su propio videoclub bajo la franquicia videovisión; atendido por Afrodita (ahí rentaba videojuegos de NES, mi favorito era el Castlevania Simon Quest’s), justo detrás de la primer tienda en todo LE, la tienda Noritas. La apertura de este videoclub sería la quiebra total de nuestro amigo charly, sus cajas de cartón con unas 30 películas en cada una no eran competencia de los estantes con cientos de filmes ya no solo en formato Beta sino VHS, el ganador de esta guerra de formatos a finales de los 80.

Por si fuera poco, justo atrás del videovisión de Afrodita, por allá del año 93, un nuevo charly abriría su propio videoclub, con un pequeño cuartito acortinado dedicado apelículas XXX. El sujeto llamado charly fue muy amigo del Fish (mi mejor amigo, Q.E.P.D.), y pues obviamente también mi amigo, ahí veíamos películas porno, desde las de Jenna Jameson hasta hentai (Urutsukidoji).

Con el tiempo el videocentro de dalias se convertiría en el Dalias Gym, el videovision de Afrodita sería traspasado y se llamaría videoclub Cine Mexicano (aun existe, ahora está sobre Tecnicos, en el patio de Violeta). El videoclub de Charly (el otro, no el que me le vendió Dumbo a mi papá) fue absorbido con los años por el Videoclub Cine Mexicano. De los dos charlys nunca más supe nada. Pero aquí está la escena de Dumbo que tanto influyo en mi juventud, y que tanto me gusta, gracias al charly por rifársela por todo LE con dos cajas repletas de videocasetes, vendiendo y cambiando bajo el intenso sol todos los domingos durante poco más de un año.



¿Quién es? ¿Quién va?
Ya empiezan a desfilar
vienen ya, mira qué saltos dan.
Serán quizá
parientes de Satanás.
Ya están aquí,
en torno a la cama van
al revés, como acróbatas,
terror me dan, me quieren enloquecer.
Qué voy a hacer Ya no lo se
ya no me puedo embriagar
al que abusa del licor se le aparece
una visión son elefantes en color
que espantan y dan terror.

yo que al diablo desafié
y la cola le arranque...
los paquidermos tricolor
han hecho que pierda mi gran valor
Hay que horror
Déjenme en paz no puedo mas
ya se van ya se van las animas del terror
las animas las animas del terror!


Analizando la letra uno puede deducir porque es una escena tan terrorífica para un niño de 5 años, es realmente una obra de arte el doblaje de esta canción; la letra de la versión en inglés “Pink Elephants on Parade” no es para nada la onda.

06 noviembre 2008

Bash.org Digest 1.0

[Edofnor] #1 pickup line of all time: "Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

[@Dark_un] is there an actual term for banks lending out money?
[@bytraper] loan
[@Dark_un] i was thinking of the process
[@incorrect] scam

[TURBOMEAT] arguing over musical taste is pointless, really
[ScumDog] pretty much
[TURBOMEAT] it's subjective
[mightyflo] not when you have ops. :)

[Llarack] You are what you eat ^_^
[Iskandor] I AM NOT A PUSSY
[Iskandor] ]_]
[Kletian] yeah, you're a dick.

[Cold_Fyre] back. I had to talk to my sister about sumtin
[fReAkEr] is she hot?
[Cold_Fyre] She's 8...
[Cold_Fyre] O.o
[fReAkEr] I didnt ask her age...

dftpnkezln: For all of you reporting a score more than 100 as you iq lol @ you. How can you possibly score more than 100%?
dftpnkezln:I'm very happy with my score of 89.

[AceAway] well later bitches of to the hospital
[SForce] that sounds promising
[AceAway] not really spend half my life going to them all part of being stuck in this damn wheelchair
[SForce] unfortunate
[SForce] makes me want to stand up

[Kevyn] So if black guys like white girls, and white guys like asian girls... what do the asian guys like?
[etoilet] hentai

[spacemank] someone help me think of an eye catching phrase or something about me.
[cky] hm
[cky] your nickname rhymes with 'wank'
[PsykoDave] Spacewank!
[spacemank] gr... not to do with my NICK
[cky] well, you said about you :P
[spacemank] yes, me. not my nick.
[spacemank] I am not my nick.
[spacemank] I am me.
[Greg|wawy] if you re-arrange the letters, you get "spankmace"
[cky] your nick has to do with you
[spacemank] not really.
[spacemank] GRR
[spacemank] USELESS
[Greg|wawy] :D
[cky] which is almost "spank mice"
[cky] you could also rearrange it to say MSPancake!
[spacemank] I hate you.

Tridao: i got 100%
Tridao: :D
Xeero: On what?
Tridao: the iq test
Xeero: ...
Tridao: 100% of what/
Xeero: Did it give you a number?
Xeero: That says
Xeero: 'Your IQ is ___"
Tridao: 100%...:(
Xeero: Okay, your IQ is not high.

[Ranbert] someone shoot me please....
[tele] o \O_ Arrgh!!
[tele] [\==- - - - - - - --- __/
[tele] / \ \

[grendal] what is it with Mexicans that they have to stand in the front yard?
[grendal] like ... frequently
[grendal] like... daily
[aNuBiS-] its cleaner than inside their house

[NW]: The NHL has the Stanley Cup, the MLB has the World Series, and the NFL has the Super Bowl.
[NW] I'm not sure what the NBA has...
**Reno sips vodkety.
[[Drum]]: The Championship.
[Ran[afk]]: The Rape Accusation Trial.

[Blake`] Buffalo wants to draw in the film industry.
[Blake`] What the fuck are they gonna film there?
[`Edwin`] Fargo, part 2?
[Blake`] "The Adventures of Nanook the Eskimo"?
[`Edwin`] Call of the Wild?
[Blake`] "Dude, Where's My Economy?"

milnarmo: damn i'm never gonna get a fishing license
milnarmo: lucky i already have my phishing license
darkwing14: what?
milnarmo: please enter your credit card number and expiration date to continue this conversation

itchy92: Aha! I figured out why all the 1337 hackers in movies use Linux.
theNihil: Um, because it's mysterious and unknown to mainstream movie viewers?
itchy92: No, man. It generates so much output so easily.
itchy92: Need a scrolling console window to make it look like you're doing something? Type any nonsensical word with a verbose switch and BAM! you've got scrolling text for like 3 hours. So it seems like you're engaging in some hardcore NSA decrypting when in fact, you're compiling ksolitaire or something.

Madrigal: I have DSL
Madrigal: Which backwards is "LSD"
Madrigal: But for my sake, and the sake of being backwards, I'd rather get Dial.

[Mootar] what was god thinking when he made my ass sweat?

[[prefix]] hahahah
[[prefix]] I just read the funniest shit
[[prefix]] this guy's sister got her laptop stolen, so her brother broke into it and replaced the dialup phone number for the ISP to his phone #
[[prefix]] when the person dialed it up he had their name on the caller ID went over to their house, took it back, and kicked their ass

[poserman]what is considered a long distance girlfriend?
[poserman]10, 15, 20 hops???

[pork] GAS THE JEWS
[Kristy] thats horrible
[Kosta] See Kristy, you just misspelled "honorable" again

[Ruth] hmmm first thing to do when one gets home is .... check spam for emails

[Shark463] hey, did u see stevie wonders new album?
[Chaz] No
[Shark463] neither has he.

SparTacus (rulimbaww@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #santcuary
*SparTacus is now known as Betty_Guns
wacko Jacko (lbeedy@1C57684.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #santcuary
[wacko_Jacko]ok spartacus just came n here i know it. which one of you is that loser?
[hunney] I am spartacus
[ji_pper]no im spartacus
[Betty_Guns]I am spartacus
[mistr andersn]I’m spartacus
[wacko_Jacko]ur all freaks thats what u r

Safia: your just sittin there watching me?
Sean: No I have creepy music playing too

[ traicovn] I'm stealing wifi at the shearton right now
[ traicovn] until security comes and gets me
[ traicovn] Some older upper 30s drunk woman invited me up to her room.
[ traicovn] But I think the high speed is just about the same up there so I turned her down.

[Blarrrg] Holy shit, best idea for a doormat ever.
[Blarrrg] 10 HOME
[Blarrrg] 20 SWEET
[Blarrrg] 30 GOTO 10

[Crimson_Dynamo] If I were stranded on a desert isle, I think I would make a girl out of coconuts, but she'd probably just want to be friends

[rompiku] I think I am going to wait until the hacker is in my computer, then I will disconnect from the internet and trap him inside

Andrews: 'I have man bitches'
Andrews: 'MANY.'
Andrews: FUCK

[Nate] The Americans spent 5 years and 10 million dollars to develope a pen that would write in space, freezing cold, extreme heat, and in zero gravity.
[Nate] The Russians used a pencil

[[NCA]Spank] I was pretty dumb about computers.
[[NCA]Spank] Then I learned you could get porn on them.
[[NCA]Spank] 3 years later I'm a system administrator.

Declan: I dunno...I love her, but this new years is going to be uber depressing
grencez: her friends are much lamer than both of you combined
Declan: The thought of her getting high at a party where everyone is drunk while I sit at home and code Perl or something is kind of too much to bear
CyanFlux: maybe try coding something in c

[@Headknocker] what happens when 5 emos sit in a square room?
[@Headknocker] one dies because he has no corner to cry in :D

[Mach17] Google: your number one source of not sounding retarded.

[phluid] I won't program in java anymore
[phluid] I'm not Marxist and don't believe in classes.

[pritch] jeez
[pritch] sauron couldve got the one ring on ebay for £4.99
[pritch] oh wait
[pritch] excludes delivery to mordor
[fragglet] one does not simply deliver to mordor

04 noviembre 2008

INGENIERO

Se murió un Ingeniero y se fue a Las puertas del Cielo. Sabido es que Los Ingenieros por su honestidad siempre van al cielo.

San Pedro buscó en su archivo, pero últimamente andaba un poco desorganizado no lo encontró en el montón de papeles, así que

Le dijo:

'Lo lamento, no estás en listas...'.

De modo que el Ingeniero se fue a la puerta del infierno le dieron albergue y alojamiento inmediatamente. Poco tiempo pasó y

el Ingeniero se cansó de padecer Las miserias del infierno, y se puso a diseñar y construir mejoras.

Con el Paso del tiempo, ya tenían ISO´s 9000-14000,18000,21000, sistema de monitoreo de cenizas, aire acondicionado,

inodoros con drenaje, escaleras eléctricas, equipos electrónicos, redes de comunicaciones, programas de mantenimiento

preventivo, sistemas de control visual, sistemas de detección de incendios, termostatos digitales, excedentes de petroleo,

gas, electricidad etc. Y el Ingeniero se hizo de muy Buena reputación.

Un día Dios llamó al Diablo por teléfono y con tono de sospecha le preguntó:

'¿Y que..... cómo estan por allá en el infierno?'

¡¡Estamos a toda!! Estamos certificados ISO 9000,14000,18000,21000, tenemos sistema de monitoreo de cenizas, aire

acondicionado, inodoros con drenaje, escaleras eléctricas, equipos electrónicos, Internet, etc. Oye, apúnta mi dirección de

email,es: eldiablofeliz@infierno.com.. por si algo se te ofrece

Y no sé cuál será la próxima sorpresa del Ingeniero. ¡'.'¿Qué?, ¡¿QUÉ?!





¿TIENEN un Ingeniero allí??

Eso es un ENORME,GARRAFAL error, !nunca debió haber llegado ahí un Ingeniero. Los ingenieros siempre van al cielo, eso está

escrito y resuelto. ¡Me lo mandas inmediatamente!'.

¡Ni loco!.



Me gusta tener un Ingeniero de planta en la organización... Y me voy a quedar con él eternamente'.

'Mándamelo o...... ¡¡TE DEMANDARÉ!!...'.



Y el Diablo, con la vista nublada por la tremenda carcajada que soltó, Le contestó a Dios: 'Ah Sí?? ...y por curiosidad...



¿DE DÓNDE VAS A SACAR UN ABOGADO?' si todos estan aquí.....!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?







HAY QUE ENTENDER A LOS INGENIEROS, AMARLOS, BENDECIRLOS Y DARLE GRACIAS A DIOS POR HABERLOS CREADO!!!!!!!!!!!

1. Un Ingeniero no es que sea prepotente, es que está rodeado de inútiles.
2. Un Ingeniero no tiene el ego muy Grande, es que el cuarto es muy chiquito
3. No es que quieran tener la razón siempre, es que Los otros siempre se equivocan.
4. Un Ingeniero no es que carezca de sentimientos, es que Los otros son unas nenas lloronas
5. Un Ingeniero no tiene vida desorganizada, es solo que tiene un ritmo de vida particular.
6. Un Ingeniero no ve el mundo, lo cambia.
7. Un Ingeniero no es que sea un crecido, es que los simples mortales no lo comprenden.
8. Un Ingeniero no es un ser calculador y frío, simplemente, le parece divertido pasar por encima de la gente común.
9. Un Ingeniero no es un Enredador, es que los usuarios se enredan porque no entienden nada.
10. Un Ingeniero no es un crítico, es que los errores de la gente son muy evidentes.
11. Un Ingeniero no es un inútil para hacer tareas cotidianas, es que para que demonios gastan sus valiosas energías en

bobadas.
12. No es que el trabajo los absorba es que... De que carajos estaba hablando?
13. Un Ingeniero no comete errores, solo prueba si los demás estaban prestando atención!!
14. No es que se crean la gran cosa, ES QUE LO SON!!!

Pero recuerden, ser tan cercano a la perfección tiene sus problemas así que los que no son ingenieros comprendan a estas

tristes almas torturadas entre la genialidad y la incomprensión.